How spending time & energy on feeling un-met expectations can propel your goals or perpetuate your inhibitors.
Do you spend hours lamenting over a relationship turned sour? Or, allow your feelings determine your response to others even if you risk not meeting your goals or losing future business? Do you take time thinking about how someone made something difficult for you to do what you wanted to do or hoped to experience?
I know I have. Our feelings, values, intentions, and plans are intimately connected to how we take action and respond to others. When someone acts in a way that does not match what we value or want them to do, we feel like someone instantly turned our hot bath into the Antarctic ocean. That doesn’t feel good! Bottom line though, criticizing and blaming someone needs to be done swiftly, if it’s done at all.
The first step you can take to feel better is to Acknowledge How You Feel. If you feel “mad”, what about that makes you feel mad? Did you feel belittled, un-heard, rejected, abandoned, etc.? Ultimately, the interaction did not reflect those characteristics that match your values, hopes, and efforts to connect and experience the roles that are played. The following steps can provide you with greater awareness of your values, expectations, and understanding of your intentions and motivations to participate in that relationship.
Consider Applying the Following Steps:
- Acknowledge Your Feelings.
- Assess Your Boundaries – are you going to confront, walk away, or re-work the way you interact with them?
- Affirm Your Strengths & Talents – Remind yourself that your value stands irregardless of how people interact with you.
- Focus on Your Values, Convictions, and Goals.
We can’t always influence people to behave or interact with us to the extent that we want.
We Can maintain focus on our Values, Goals, and ability to remain in control of our Personal Responsibility.
In your way and in your own privacy I suggest the following:
- Briefly write or speak aloud what feelings you experienced and how you felt that way.
- Write or speak your goal and values which relate to these feelings.
- Acknowledge your action steps.
- Affirm Your Goals and strategize your solution.
- Affirm your Value and Contribution to the relationship.
- Re-engage and/or Re-work how you interact.
- Go take action toward fulfilling that goal!
* Disclaimer: Depending on the intensity of those feelings, you may benefit from grief therapy with a licensed therapist. Especially if you can’t even think straight because you feel so mad, confused, etc. The type of feeling experience I am talking about in this article is in regard to the day to day kind of working and interacting with clients, colleagues, and friends. The suggestions above are not intend for therapeutic use, but to help you develop your ability to better understand How you Feel and What You Determine to Do with those feelings in order to Better Achieve Your Goals.
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